Reality
by 1caaake
Summary: Phoenix loves Edgeworth. He contemplates on Edgeworth's return, and a lot of other things. WrightWorth (meaning slash). Don't like, don't read. Rated T just in case.
1. Backstory

**[A/N: WARNING: Contains traces of slash (but nothing physical). Don't like, don't read.]**

**[A/N: Okay, whoa. It's my first fanfic! I mean, I've written others, but this will be the first I've published. It's actually based off experience (not entirely my own), and ideas from other fics. More of the whole Phoenix being all angsty about Miles leaving and all. This ship doesn't have enough love! The actual fic (not the backstory) is in Phoenix's POV, btw. Thanks to chocokira07 for making me publish :D]**

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing in this fic except for the words (but who really owns words, anyway?), and the ideas. The characters belong to Capcom.**_

_Backstory_

Phoenix Wright has always been in love with Miles Edgeworth. Even if the two of them were rivals at work, one a defense attorney, the other a prosecutor, they were very close outside of the courtroom. One could say they were brothers. But others could say they were together. They looked good together, after all, with their personalities complementing one another. Why weren't they together? Phoenix asked himself that every day, even if he knew the answer. Edgeworth just couldn't love him back that way.

Phoenix had actually confessed to Miles, long ago. Maybe he had finally cracked; they were always with each other, after all. Phoenix, the happy-go-lucky of the pair, had always jokingly told Miles that he loved him. Miles said he was saving it for the right time. And when Phoenix finally really told Miles, the latter just smiled. He said the words back, saying it was long overdue. But Phoenix never found out in what way he meant it.

After a few weeks, with staggered conversations in between, Miles left for Europe, without Phoenix knowing. He isolated himself. Phoenix was full of guilt, thinking it was his fault, somehow.

When Edgeworth returned, Phoenix had mixed feelings within himself. He was happy the prosecutor was back, but hurt that he had left in the first place. And maybe he was still confused with how he felt towards his rival.

Phoenix confronted Miles about this. They made up, in the end. That's what two people do if they care for one another, right? Then Phoenix told Miles he loved him. Miles just thanked him with a smile and left.

One day, Phoenix was looking around Miles' office for some files to be used in their latest case. They were not enemies, anyway. The point of the court was justice; it was not a competition. As Phoenix rummaged about the things on Miles' desk, upsetting a few loose papers, he came upon a diary. Curious, he opened it. It had Edgeworth's flowing script, with all his formality. Phoenix didn't want to pry, but he couldn't help himself. He looked for the time he told Miles what was truly on his mind… Nothing. Nothing worth any note, no trace of Edgeworth being affected by what Phoenix told him. The heartbroken lawyer had flipped through more of the pages, but his name was not there.


	2. Reality

I've read your thoughts.

You laid them out in the open for me.

How long did you think it would be before I found them?

And what do I feel?

I don't know.

Am I supposed to care?

Yes. I'm supposed to be your friend, your other brother.

But all I can think about is how I didn't even seem to impact you.

I didn't make a dent in your life.

I didn't matter enough for you to count me in your thoughts.

Maybe you just forgot about me.

I guess you did.

I wouldn't be surprised.

You haven't any reason to think about me.

Because, again, I never did anything you can mark as a lot.

I don't matter. I get that.

I just thought, that maybe, just maybe, because this bothered me for so long, it would've gotten to you, too.

But I've assumed a lot of misconceptions.

And this is one of them.

This wouldn't be the first time, believe me.

I hate it.

I don't want to make myself believe things I know won't come true any time soon.

So why do I keep dreaming?

To experience the bliss of something that could be?

Or to sulk in the heartbreak of waking up?

Either way, there's still reality.

It's such a buzzkill.

You wake up from a dream with a plan in mind.

You seize the day with a smile on your face.

And then, slowly, it dawns upon you.

This is real life.

It's never as easy as in dreams.

And your wall, your barrier, comes crashing down.

You realize that it was all in your mind's eye.

I feel that every day.

You don't know how many scenarios I have written in my head, all ready to be played.

You have no clue of the hidden stories typed and encrypted about you.

Because, whenever I see you, I remember that I live in the real world.

I don't live in fantasy and daydreams.

As much as I'd like to have kissed you, I haven't.

And I know I can't, either.

I've uttered your name so many times; I've imprinted it in my thoughts.

But I know you're not truly mine.

And right now, it seems you never will be.

How could I?

When you ultimately left me alone, thinking I did something wrong?

I thought you hated me.

I was so scared.

And to find out you were just isolating yourself?

Didn't you understand I wanted to help?

Or was my confession too surreal for you?

Right now, you say it doesn't matter.

You don't care about what other people think.

That's great.

But it also means you're never going to think that way.

I haven't ever got a chance.

And I've told myself, countless times, to get over you.

Because I don't think you're worth the guilty sentences and the pressure.

Believe me; I've been through this sacrifice before.

Then why is it so hard?

Is it how you move around me?

The reason I thought it would be okay for me to tell you?

You had me fooled, you know.

I thought that maybe you had changed how you looked at me.

That your actions were results of some new thought in your head.

And now, I'm looking at your stories.

I know that I wasn't in them at all.

I didn't matter to you.

Not even as the brother I so convinced myself to be.

Because I honestly just pushed myself into your life.

And I'm sorry.

You don't deserve someone like me barging into your already perfect scenario.

I want to leave.

I'm being honest here. I want to leave so badly.

I want to forget about you. And you about me.

Because you don't deserve having to put up with everyone else.

You never did anything.

Neither of us wants to blame the other.

But I know you're just a decent guy.

Stop saying otherwise, I know it's my fault.

My fault for putting too much hope on something so impossible.

And now it's messing up my life.

I want to walk with you normally, without thinking I may be in a dream, or in paradise.

I want to look at you without feeling any pain in my chest.

I want to be what you want us to be: friends.

Just friends.

I can try, for you.

And I AM trying.

It's just extremely painful, and I'm not used to this much pain.

So forgive my stumbling through it all.

Disregard the few suggestive lines I say.

Don't mind the small hopeful gestures and twitches I have.

Try not to look in my eyes.

Because, even I think, you will find a lot in them.

You'll see my pain, you'll see my love.

You'll see the unspoken words and thoughts.

You'll hear the songs I've always wanted to sing to you.

And you'll feel the desperation and sadness.

I hope you'll never have to do that.

Because I'm trying very hard to make it seem okay.

When I know I'm not.

And I'm not going to be, for a while.

But I don't blame you.

I'll take the blame.

I'll let myself feel the pain of this.

Because I love you.

I honestly, honestly love you.

I don't want to be too sure, but I think I do.

Why else would my chest heave so whenever I think about you?

Why would a slight blush come upon my cheeks when I'm with you?

The thing is; I don't think you notice.

You don't notice how much I mean it.

You only thanked me, the last time I said it.

It made me regret letting the words pour out.

I now know you'll never truly return them.

The only time you did was out of desperation, I should say.

When there was nothing else to say.

You took the thing that was most likely to comfort me and used it.

Not knowing that later on, I'd realize you lied.

I know you did. Don't deny it.

For how could you just take those words so calmly?

A short reply of thanks?

How do you think I felt?

You crushed my hopes. That was what I needed.

But here I am, still not over you.

I still love you, Miles!

How can I not?

I don't know, until now, what I mean.

If I want something more, or if I stay your rival in court.

Because I know you'd want the latter.

And I'll be there for you.

When you need to isolate yourself again.

When you fall in love with someone else.

I'll still be here.

No matter how much it hurts.

I don't care.

At least I've said my peace.

I can't change what's happened, and I can't change you.

I know, though you will never love me back.

I'm hoping you realize we can pull through. I'm hoping for a chance.

I'm wishing on all the stars and blowing on the smallest of eyelashes.

I'm waiting for reality to give you to me.

**[A/N: Okay, I realize it was a bit out-of-character for Phoenix. Sorry about that. This wasn't originally a fic; it just…evolved? Anyway, thanks for reading, and please leave a review if you've got time! :D]**


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